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Then came the self-doubt (why on earth was she interested in me?) I tried to banish the usual paranoid inner-dialog and I began to wonder if I would sneak away into the night like a coward (aka a sensible fellow) or if I would obey her directive. Which was more courageous? Which was more cowardly? Which was stupid. It was impossible to make up my mind. The music stopped.*?What’s your poison, Mr? she produced a beaming smile that made her seem young, I’d guess 25 at most. I started to relax and I felt a little ridiculous of my fears, (for god sake man you’re afraid of a girl). I thanked her as she handed me my scotch. She sat close to me, enveloping me with her perfume; it was a lovely scent but every now and again I’m sure I could smell her natural odour, a rich, exciting animal musk.Half way through my whisky I changed the tack of our conversation from the performance by blurting out how I almost didn’t make it to our rendezvous. I’m not sure why I said it, it just seem to come from. I said "for today, maybe I'll look some more tomorrow" then she said "Oh I'm sorry Sister, I was to give you that key when I gave you the key to your class room. All the Sisters have a key so they can take classes in whenever they want, just let me know when you intend to use it; I'll reserve it for you. Just put just put it on your key ring."I thanked her and walked to the convent. Walking I could not help it, I was thinking of tomorrow, thinking of following the kids down there again, to watch, to masturbate as I watched. I caught myself in my sinful desires and went straight to Chapel. I knelt and prayed, I prayed right through supper and was still praying when Vespers started. My desires that I had, I knew were wrong for the life I had chosen. And I knew that I would have this battle in me for a long, long time. How many other Nuns felt this way? Who could I talk to? Better yet, what do I say? Do I tell them everything? Or just my sick desires? Now you know what I was praying.
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